Author Archives: KFA Author

What is Abortion?

Abortion is the act of ending a pregnancy by forcefully removing the fetus from the womb before it can survive on its own. This differs from the term miscarriage because it does not happen spontaneously; it is purposeful and is often used to refer to induced abortions only.

In this day and age, people undergo particular modern medication or surgery to commit abortion. Abortions conducted during the first trimester of pregnancy involve taking drugs such as mifepristone and prostaglandin; women who would like to have their unborn babies aborted in the second trimester undergo surgical methods that are said to have lesser side effects.

Abortion is still considered illegal and a form of child abuse in some countries. Birth control is highly suggested for women who do not want to get pregnant but engage in sexual activities. In countries where abortion is permitted by the law, this medical method is considered to be one of the safest procedures in the industry.

The World Health Organization has recommended that safe and legal abortions should be made accessible to all women; women who undergo unsafe abortion procedures are at risk of dying due to infection and other complications. In fact, 47,000 deaths and 5 million hospital admissions have been reported to be related to unsafe abortions. Moreover, women who have unsafe abortions can suffer from long-term mental and physical problems.

Survey shows that there are about 44 million cases of abortion that take place in the world annually. Fortunately, there has been a decrease in number from 2003 to 2008 as women and families are taught to follow family planning and birth control procedures.

The laws pertaining to abortion varies from one place to another; some still consider it taboo while others give their women access to legal abortions without limits. However, different states still implement varying laws regarding the matter; some enforce a limit on how late in pregnancy the medical procedure will be permitted.

Types of Abortion

  • Induced – there are millions of pregnancies that occur each year; some are unintended while others may end in induced abortion. In the UK, about 2% of abortions are performed because the fetus shows genetic problems. But most induced abortions occur for personal reasons such as the mother isn’t ready to have a baby yet.

The manner in which induced abortions are performed often depends on several factors: the gestational age of the unborn fetus, regional availability, patient’s preference or legality. This type of abortion is considered as therapeutic if the goal is to save the life of the expecting mother. Terminating a pregnancy in the goal of maintaining a woman’s physical or mental health is considered legal in many countries; others also permit this to decrease the chance of premature morbidity, mortality and/or disability of the child. Elective abortions, on the other hand, refer to abortions committed in the absence of medical reasons.

  • Spontaneous – as mentioned earlier, this is another term for miscarriage wherein the unintended expulsion of the fetus occurs before the 24th week of pregnancy. Fetuses that die in utero or during delivery are called ‘stillborn’; some pregnancies cease to progress past the first trimester and result to miscarriages. The most common cause of miscarriage is chromosomal abnormalities of the embryo, while others are related to vascular diseases, hormonal problems, infections and other abnormalities. The health and age of the expecting mother can also be a factor behind the occurrence of a miscarriage.

The Risk of Unsafe Abortion

Women who do not have any medical reason for wanting to terminate their pregnancy often resort to having an ‘unsafe abortion’. They usually try to ‘self-abort’ or seek the help of another person who doesn’t have proper medical training to perform the procedure. Unsafe abortions often lead to severe physical and mental complications such as sepsis, hemorrhage and permanent damage to internal organs. The rate of unsafe abortions is highest in places where abortion is not legal. It becomes a major cause of injury and death for women all over the world; in fact, 13% of all maternal deaths every year are linked to unsafe abortion.

Protecting Unborn Children from Dismemberment Abortions

In his dissent to the U.S. Supreme Court’s 2000 Stenberg v. Carhart decision, Justice Kennedy observed that in D&E dismemberment abortions, “The fetus, in many cases, dies just as a human adult or child would: It bleeds to death as it is torn limb from limb. The fetus can be alive at the beginning of the dismemberment process and can survive for a time while its limbs are being torn off.” Justice Kennedy added in the Court’s 2007 opinion in Gonzales v. Carhart that D&E abortions are “laden with the power to devalue human life…”

In January 2015, Kansas State Sen. Garrett Love introduced the Unborn Child Protection from Dismemberment Abortion Act, a bill that would protect unborn children from the brutality of dismemberment abortions. Source taken from National Right to Life web site http://www.nrlc.org/statelegislation/dismemberment

 

Pro Life

Our blog does not support Pro Choice, we support Pro Life; we believe that a fetus is living and considered a baby at the time of conception.  Three weeks after conception a baby’s heart beat begins to beat and at four weeks a baby is formed with arms, legs, brain, spinal cord and other organs. At week six fingers have formed the mouth and lips is visible, brain waves can be detected and the baby is already moving inside the womb.  By week seven the baby’s organs are all in place and active. At twelve weeks a baby has fingerprints.

We hope this article enlightens you not only that a fetus is alive at the time of conception, but the dangers of abortion and that if you are going to have sex and don’t want the risk of becoming pregnant then you should take a contraceptive. However, many women who take a contraceptive have gotten pregnant, and still choose to abort their baby. We believe that there are better alternatives…A. Do not have sex until you are married…stay abstinence.   B. Put your baby up for adoption.  There are plenty of couples that desire to have a baby but are not able to. You would not only give your baby an opportunity to live as you were given when your mother had you…but you will give your baby to a parent who wants your child.

Secondary Survivors of Sexual Abuse

secondary survivors of sexual abuse

A secondary survivor refers to the family, friend or partner of an abused person. The situation is of course difficult for the victim of sexual abuse, but the pain extends to his or her loved ones too. The support of the secondary survivors is very much important to the recovery of the victim; it makes the victim feel that they are still cared for despite of what happened to them.

A victim of sexual abuse normally feels afraid and hesitant; he or she may lose self-confidence and often falls into depression if he or she doesn’t get the necessary help after the assault took place. For secondary survivors, knowing that someone they deeply care about has gone through a very hurtful experience is also heartbreaking. There are times that they also struggle with the feeling of helplessness after the incident; they do not know how to respond to the situation and whom to seek help for.

It is truly difficult to know the right things to say to comfort your family or friend who was victimized by sexual assault. However, your compassionate and validating responses can really do a lot for their recovery. It’s fairly alright to not have all the answers for them; just being there by their side with no judgment is already a wonderful support to the victim.

Sexually abused victims lose their ‘power’ of self because of their traumatic experience; as a secondary survivor, you may help them gain control of what happens next by letting them make their own decisions. It could start with letting them choose whom they talk to and what legal actions they want to take.

Sexual abuse is a serious crime against anyone; you have to be extra understanding and patient with the victim because they have lost their sense of almost everything – strength, power, safety, trust and so on…

What You Should Do if the Abuse Happened in the Past Few Days

Advise your family or friend to immediately undergo a physical examination to help the authorities gather evidence against the perpetrator. Health services also provide medications to help prevent infections and diseases caused by the sexual abuse.

What You Should Do If the Victim Feels Unsafe

Victims of sexual abuse normally feel physically and emotionally unsafe after they have been assaulted… If you are dealing with a worse case such as he or she is becoming suicidal or at the risk of hurting others, then you should contact the authorities right away. But if they are not in immediate danger, help them make changes in their surroundings that will make them feel safer. If they want to change the color of the walls, then do so! Do whatever you can to foster a safer environment for your loved one and always remember that there are support groups available to help you along the way. Encourage your loved one to speak about things that will make him or her feel safer and unthreatened.

Recognize the Tactics of Perpetrators

Most sexual abuse cases remain to be unreported because the victims are afraid or threatened; if you’re dealing with a loved one, who shows the same signs, consider seeking the help of professionals. It’s quite difficult to identify a person who would commit a sexual assault because they could be anyone! They are located in all parts of the world and usually ‘mask’ their real personas to be able to commit more than one sexual assault. These people are indeed dangerous! They may seem friendly and charismatic but can be a totally different person behind closed doors.

The following are examples of the common tactics that sexually abusive persons may use or do:

  • They usually establish trust with their potential victim; this is a part of their planning and preparation for what they really intend to do
  • They are good in assessing a person’s vulnerability, this is how they choose their victims
  • They only used the necessary amount of force to succeed with their plan; body weight is usually enough
  • They may use alcohol or drugs to increase the vulnerability of their victims
  • Perpetrators usually deny the crime that they’ve committed by claiming that the assault was consensual

Battered Child Syndrome

battered child syndrome

The battered child syndrome is a form of child abuse. It is a clinical condition in young children who have experienced severe physical abuse, which often leads to permanent injuries or death. The perpetrator could be anyone – it could be a parent, guardian, relative, neighbor or even a total stranger.

The battered child syndrome should be considered on any child that evidently shows signs of bone fracture, subdural hematoma, failure to thrive, swellings of soft tissues and/or bruising. It should be considered to any child who has developed a degree of trauma due to variance and occurrence of abuse; it should be considered to any child who had died because of child abuse.

Psychiatric factors of battered child syndrome play an important in the pathogenesis of the disorder. Physicians who evaluate abused children are required to conduct a full assessment of the situation and guarantee that the repetition of such traumatic experience will never be allowed.

Battered Children Cases

Keanu Williams. Keanu was a 2-year old child who died in the hands of his ‘monster’ mother who is now paying for her crime in jail today. The toddler suffered from 37 different injuries that included bite marks, a fractured skull and a fist-sized tear in the stomach… he was definitely beaten to death. A post-mortem examination showed that he was repeated hit by a stick or rod which caused him to die from internal bleeding. The judge found Keanu’s mother, Rebecca Shuttleworth, guilty of four counts of child cruelty. ‘He was a defenseless child and it was your duty to protect him. Instead you beat him so severely he died a lingering death from his injuries a day or so later. You have also been convicted of cruelty by failing to summon the medical aid he so badly needed.’ These are just some of the statements that Mr. Justice Spencer told Rebecca Shuttleworth. He even added a tribute to the child by saying, ‘He was a delightful little boy described as a real character, a little entertainer who remained cheerful despite everything.’ It is truly unimaginable what Keanu Williams had to suffer from the outburst of violence of his own mother.

Lauren Kavanaugh. This young girl was tortured beyond imagination by her mother and stepfather. She was given back to her birth mother when she was 20-month old and from then on, she suffered 6 years of torture and starvation. She became known as ‘the girl in the closet’; locked away for so long in the back room of a mobile home. When she was rescued in the year 2001, she only weighed 25.6 pounds at 8 years old. The doctors at Children’s Medical Center Dallas said that she was damaged in ways that they have never seen. She had suffered from extreme depression and developed bipolar disorder… She had undergone all the necessary treatments – years of psychotherapy and hundreds of doctors’ visits. Lauren had indeed suffered a case of extreme child abuse and it is expected that she will have lifelong of emotional problems, long nights of tears and terror, fits of rage… She has suffered a great deal, losing her six key years of growth and development… She does not know her ABC’s, she wasn’t potty-trained, she doesn’t know how to hold a pencil and she doesn’t even know what it’s like to be in the sun. Fortunately, today, Lauren is surviving and thriving… With the help of her treatments and support from her loving adoptive parents, Sabrina and Bill Kavanaugh, Lauren is now talking more, eager to exercise and she shows more interest in learning new things.

Terrell Peterson. He was a 5-year old boy who lived in Atlanta Georgia who was beaten to death. Terrell only weighed 29 pounds and his body was full of cuts, bruises and burns when the authorities recovered his body. His mother was taking drugs while she was pregnant. Terrell’s parents would lock him up in a bedroom during weekends and denied him food. The complaints against his mother led social caseworkers to place Terrell and his siblings, who were also abused in the same way Terrell was, with their blood relatives. However, Terrell was not able to go with his siblings, he was left in the custody of Pharina Peterson – the grandmother of his half-siblings. Another child living in the home of Peterson said that Terrell was tied up often and his nourishment was a far cry from being proper. He was also allegedly burned by Peterson for telling the authorities about her abusive acts; one of Terrell’s teachers in school noticed he wasn’t walking right and inspected his feet only to find that they were burned to the point that it needed skin grafts. The authorities arrested Pharina Peterson and she was indicted on misdemeanor charges.

Stop School Bullying

school bullying

What is School Bullying?

This type of bullying takes place in an educational setting; it takes different forms such as physical, sexual, verbal or emotional. The following are various definitions of school bullying:

  • The intention to harm which means the act is done deliberately and not accidental.
  • Bullying causes the victim to experience distress; he or she can suffer from mild to severe psychological, social and/or physical trauma.
  • Bullying is repetitive; it has the possibility to happen more than once.
  • It involves inequity wherein the bully claims or believes that he or she has more ‘power’ than the victim.
  • It is confrontational and involves aggressive behaviors.

 

Victims and Bullies

School bullying is a common social problem in schools and other educational establishments today. Based on a research conducted by the American Psychological Association, up to 80% of the students may experience bullying at one point in during their education.

School bullying can happen to anyone! This is regardless of age, gender, religion, socioeconomic standing and grade level. However, children who come from a lower socioeconomic background are more prone to bullying than those who come from well-off households.

Moreover, the rate of bullying is significantly higher with homosexual students than heterosexual students. Some even experience an ‘extension’ to school bullying as they continue to be harassed online through aggressive emails and instant messages. A survey done in the year 2013 shows that 20% of the high school students in the US are bullied in school, 15% are harassed online while 8% of students who are between the age of 12 and 18 are continuously bullied every week.

Research suggests that bullies are individuals who experience aggression or violence at home; they are usually people who are diagnosed with depression, anxiety or ADHD. School-aged bullies are said to have a mental health disorder and poor theory of mind. They are usually morally disengaged and are inclined to using egocentric reasoning strategies.

 

Effects of School Bullying

Some people think that bullying is a phase in life that everyone naturally goes through. However, this reasoning doesn’t justify the fact that this abusive act can cause severe damage to the victims. Some children do not accept school bullying and they stand up for themselves, while others are not brave enough and they end up unhappy and afraid. School bullying can affect both the victim and the bully:

Victims

  • They may suffer from mild to severe physical and/or mental health problems.
  • They may become depressed and anxious; they may suffer from sleeping and eating disorders and refuse to participate in daily activities.
  • They may lose interest in school and begin to perform poorly in academic activities; some even end up dropping out of school.
  • A number of reports have shown that school bullying can lead victims to commit suicide or retaliate even to the point of killing their bullies.

Bullies

  • They may develop alcohol and drug problems.
  • They may engage in fights, vandalism and other destructive activities.
  • Some may also drop-out from school.
  • They may engage in sexual activities at an early age and end up getting sexually transmitted diseases.
  • Bullies tend to become abusive toward their partners and children.

Types of Domestic Violence

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is any violent or aggressive behavior that takes place within the home; it typically involves abusive behavior toward a spouse or a partner. It can take place in a heterosexual or same-sex relationship that may also extend to the children.

Domestic violence can affect men, women and children but the wife or female partner is more often victimized with such abuse. Some countries, especially those that have witnessed women committing acts of infidelity, consider domestic violence as a justifiable act and may even be codified into law.

This abusive act takes many forms – physical abuse, emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, sexual abuse and verbal abuse. Common examples of domestic violence are marital rape, female genital mutilation, battering and disfigurement. The presence of domestic murders is also prevalent in some areas of the world and it includes bride burning, dowry deaths and stoning.

Different Forms of Domestic Violence

Physical Abuse. This involves physical contact that is intended to cause physical pain, suffering or injury to the victim. The abuser uses force such as hitting, shoving, grabbing, biting, shaking, choking and/or forcing drug or alcohol use. Some perpetrators may even make use of harmful weapons such as a gun or knife. Physical abuse may not result in an injury that requires immediate medical attention, which results to the incident being unreported.

Sexual Abuse. This type of domestic violence involves forcing the victim to have unwanted sexual interaction with the abuser. The perpetrator may conduct unwelcome sexual comments or advances that cause the victim to feel uncomfortable. It may also come in the form of attack against a person’s sexuality through coercion or sexual traffic such as obligatory inspections for virginity or female genital mutilation. During sexual abuse, a victim’s bodily integrity is violated; some of the most common examples of this domestic violence are rape, prostitution, human trafficking and demeaning sexual acts. Moreover, any act that limits a woman’s reproductive rights is also considered as sexual abuse in some countries. Preventing to use contraceptive methods and forcing abortion are considered illegal by some laws.

Psychological Abuse. This is interchangeably referred to as emotional abuse; it is characterized by intimidation, threats and even isolation. Abusers often instill fear to their partners through menacing behavior that may lead to damages in property, constant supervision or controlling behavior that hinders the victim from enjoying his or her freedom. Perpetrators may also threat their victims with injury or perhaps harm the victim’s family or loved ones; they may tell the victim that they will be killed if they try to leave the relationship. Some abusers also isolate their victims from other people; controlling the people whom the victim can interact with. They may also ‘damage’ their victims’ self-esteem through constant criticism, name-calling and other emotionally abusive acts.

Economic Abuse. The abuser makes or attempts to make the victim financially dependent on him or her. His or her intimate partner prohibits the victim from working or getting further education. The victim also may experience extreme controlling behavior by the partner with their financial matters. In some cases, the abuser exploits the economic resources of the victim leaving the latter empty handed. The main motive of economic abusers is to incapacitate their intimate partners from the ability to support oneself; diminishing the victim’s ability to acquire resources and assets. If you are forced to sign documents or sell things, then you are also suffering from economic abuse. Victims of this type of abuse are usually individuals who lack knowledge and education; some mothers and children in India suffer from malnutrition because the father withholds their access to food and other resources.

Sex Slavery

sex slavery

What is Sex Slavery?

Its purpose is to sexually exploit the victim. Sex slavery comes in the form of single-owner sexual slavery, ritual slavery, forced prostitution and non-sexual purposes that involves non-consensual sexual activities. Back in the days, concubinage was the most prevalent form of sexual slavery and it still goes on in some cultures today – women are forced to live their lives in sexual servitude.

Sexual slavery is a form of enslavement as it limits a person’s autonomy, freedom and power to decide – especially matters that involve sexual activities. There are various types of sex slavery including forced marriages, domestic servitude and forced labor that includes sexual activities. Sex slavery constitutes a continuing offense because it involves practices that treat women as servants and thus, violate laws that prohibit slavery.

Confessions of a Sex Slavery Victim

‘I can never forget my past or the cruelty of those men. I’ll never understand it.’

Sreypov Chan is a young Cambodian woman who suffered from sex slavery when she was a young girl… At 7 years old, when most young girls are invited to slumber parties, she was sold to a brothel in Phnom Penh to work as a sex slave. What made her situation worse is that her own mother made the sale. For many years, pimps would force her to have sex with at least 20 men in a day… if she refused or try to run away, Sreypov was punished – burned with a hot poker, covered with biting insects and every unthinkable punishment there is.

Sreypov luckily escaped the brothels when she turned 10; she was able to start a new life and is now ready to talk about her story. Sadly, she is not the only one who has suffered and is continuously suffering from sex slavery today… There are more than 12 million individuals who are victims of forced prostitution and labor around the world.

‘My whole identity was robbed. Unless you’ve been in that position, you can’t understand.’

Meghan Stephens (not her real name) has suffered a similar fate as Sreypov Chan. When she was 14, she fell in love with a man who turned out to be a pimp… Her boyfriend sold her to different men for 6 years. She is now 25 years old and living a life with her true identity revealed in fear that her past will be discovered. When Meghan was being trafficked, she was forced to have sex with multiple partners in a single day. Her boyfriend made her believe that escort work is the only way to raise enough money for them to be together. Meghan grew up in a troublesome household, her parents divorced when she was 4 and her mother was an alcoholic. That is why her mother permitted Meghan to live with her boyfriend. Meghan depended on her boyfriend for everything – she was innocent, in love and very reliant. Meghan lost her confidence which made it even more impossible for her to leave her boyfriend and the life that she lived with him. Her boyfriend also threatened to kill her mother if Meghan would try to leave or escape… Meghan even recalled one particular night when she had sex with 110 men before being violently sick. The owner of the brothel had to close for the night and back then, she thought that the owner was really nice to do that. It only shows that Meghan was really not in the right frame of mind at the time. She felt helpless and she did not want to put her mom in danger so she continued with what she was doing.

Kathleen Frank. She was abused by her father at the age of 10 years old. At least that is the age she woke up to it; Kathleen’s father abused her while she was sleeping.  But later in her years Kathleen started getting flash backs of times when her father was ‘too close’ and certain touches were uncomfortable for her. Shortly after Kathleen realized she was being abused, she became this target of others who also abused her, such as her great grandfather, cousins and her brother. Kathleen told her mother, but her mother refused to believe her.  Perhaps her mother did believe Kathleen but was in denial, in any case Kathleen did not get the protection she needed and felt she had to find ways to protect herself. This is when Kathleen became assertive in her attitude, angry with her abusers, and eventually developed the mind set that the only way someone will love her is to give them what they want. This attitude caused Kathleen to turn toward young men of at least 8 to 20 years older than her for attention and love them in the wrong way. Kathleen had a warped perspective on what love was, and it wasn’t until she was in her later 30’s when she realized how much she needed help. Kathleen sough help; she sought God, it was her way to get a right perspective on love and to know the unconditional love of Christ. Kathleen started journaling her feelings and revelations of her healing process. After 10 years of writing her thoughts, her fears, her healing, Kathleen published her journals in her recent book, ‘I’m Fat and Nobody Cares’. Kathleen’s book tells the world her story in detail in hopes to help others who have had similar experiences. Kathleen was able to receive complete healing of her abuse through her writings and her book has helped thousands of abused women and girls receive healing too.

Defense for Battered Women

defense for battered women

Defense for battered women is used in court for a woman accused of assaulting or murdering her husband or partner because of abuse. There is no medical classification that supports the existence of such ‘syndrome’ but it is still used by lawyers in court to defend the actions of women who have suffered from domestic violence.

Defense for battered women is also commonly referred to as ‘self-defense’; it is a woman’s response to her husband or partner’s abusive act. Due to suffering from constant and severe domestic violence, some women undergo depression and a feeling of helplessness. They are unable to take independent action to escape the abusive acts and they develop fears with regard to social support, financial means and many more.

Battered women also suffer from low self-esteem; they are often led to believe that the abuse is their fault. They develop misplaced feelings and therefore refuse to press charges against their abusive partners. Victims of abuse usually develop psychological disorders that may lead them to kill or harm their abuser. Although there is no medical proof for this that may excuse the alleged offenders, it is still used as a defense for battered women in court.

Defense for Battered Women: Kill or Be Killed

Women who are victims of abuse are usually faced with a difficult choice; killing their husbands/partner to save themselves. Killing their abuser is not usually planned – it is a woman’s last attempt to save herself. However, a woman who kills her abuser is not excused by the law. Their act is not seen as ‘self-defense’, they are usually charged with murder or manslaughter. The main reason behind this is that judges and juries don’t deem most acts of violence as life-threatening.

Killing is a last resort of defense for battered women; it is a defensive move that anyone suffering from domestic violence sees as an ‘escape’ from their situation. Women who kill their abusers are driven to do such action because they felt that their lives were on the line. They have all the right to feel scared as nearly 4,000 women die in the hands of their abusers every year.

The Story of Caroline Scott

She suffered excessive physical violence from the hands of Arthur Lee. One night, Arthur came home drunk from alcohol and a jealous rage. He told Caroline to put on her handcuffs – the precursor of severe beatings that became worst over time. Caroline has children and she had difficulty figuring out how to leave the house without leaving them behind. She overheard Arthur telling someone over the phone ‘she would be gone in 45 minutes’. Fearful of what may happen to her, she immediately grabbed one of her husband’s guns and shot him to death. But because Arthur wasn’t directly beating her when the shooting happened, Caroline was sentenced to serve 20 years in prison.

The Story of Jane Churn

Jane ignored her lover’s question which led James to call her abusive names. James also struck her a couple of times and they both fell on the floor when Jane tried to fight back. She then stood up and grabbed a fork from the table which she used to stab James to death. Because she was still brimming with anger, she still hit her already dead lover with a fireplace poker. She was charged with manslaughter and served her time in prison.

However there have been cases when a battered woman gets away with her crime when defense attorney convinces the jury the woman was driven to insanity as in the following case:

The Story of John and Lorena Bobbitt

This couple’s relationship made worldwide headlines in 1993 when Lorena cut off her husband’s penis with a knife while he was asleep in bed. The penis was subsequently surgically reattached. Lorena testified that John had raped her and physically battered her on multiple occasions prior to the evening of the severing of his penis, that they lacked financial stability, and that he stole and spent her earnings. Both the prosecution and defense sides conceded that John had demonstrated a history of abuse toward Lorena, and that this abuse created a context for the assault. The defense strategy emphasized her action as being a mix of self-defense and temporary insanity constituting an “irresistible impulse” due to the history and pattern of abuse and rape. After seven hours of deliberation, the jury found Lorena not guilty due insanity causing an irresistible impulse to sexually wound her husband. As a result, Lorena could not be held liable for her actions.  Under Virginia state law, the judge ordered Lorena to undergo a 45-day evaluation period at Central State Hospital, after which she would be released.

Women who are victims of domestic violence tend to fight back with whatever weapon is available to them. As a defense of battered women against their abusers, most of them use guns. The reason why women choose this weapon among others is that they do not have to be too close to their abuser; they can stop the violence even if the abuser is far away. Also, it doesn’t require upper body strength to fight back like other weapons such as knife or poker.

Getting Over Teen Depression

teen depression

Teen depression is quite evident these days. Being a teenager is one of the toughest phases in a person’s life; it is when you feel most insecure about yourself – as if you don’t belong, like you are an outsider. It is normal for teenagers to feel sad, frustrated and or irritable. However, what should you do if the feeling doesn’t go away?

Teen depression can indeed drain life out of you – you may lose hope, feel tired and you will find it difficult to go on with your day-to-day activities. But always remember that you are in control of your feelings; don’t let what you feel get the best of you! The process wouldn’t be easy – but it is also not impossible.

Signs and Symptoms of Teen Depression

When you feel depressed, you get feel that no one understands you… that you are a hopeless case and that you are alone. But in reality, this is not the case. Teen depression is quite common and with proper help, you can get over it in no time.

Here are some of the signs and symptoms of teen depression:

  • Constant feeling of irritability, frustration, sadness and or anger
  • Feeling bad about yourself; that you are worthless
  • Sleeping too much or not enough
  • You experience frequent headaches
  • Most of the time you feel like crying
  • You are not focused; your performance at school is negatively being affected
  • You have thoughts of suicide

Coping with Teen Depression

When you feel depressed, try talking to an adult you trust. It may seem like your parents will not understand what you are going through, especially if they always nag you about your behavior. But it may surprise you that they do! Remember, they too were once a teenager… and they do not want to see their children in pain. Your parents nagging may just be a result of frustration because they don’t know what’s going on in your life.

Keep your communication lines with your parents open. If they know that you are feeling depressed, they can get you the help you need. But if your parents are abusive and there is no way that you can ask them for help, talk to another adult that you can trust – it may be your teacher, coach, grandparent, aunt or uncle.

Talking to the right person can get you directed to the support you need. If there is truly no one that you can trust, seek help from support groups and other hotlines; they are available to help you stop from developing harmful thoughts and actions. Asking for help is always the bravest thing that a teenager like you can do.

Tips for Getting Over Teen Depression

Do not isolate yourself. It’s normal to feel that you don’t want to see or be with anyone when you are depressed. However, isolating yourself will only make matters worse! Try to remain social and get out into the world. Spend some quality time with your loved ones and friends this will eventually help you feel good about yourself.

Be mindful of your health. Make healthy lifestyle choices to help improve your mood. Get into sports or do regular exercises – this will help release a rush of endorphins, which can make you feel happier. As for food, avoid eating food that will only make you feel ‘heavy’ or unhealthy; supply your body with the vitamins and minerals that it needs. Eat plenty of fruits, vegetables and whole grains.

Avoid alcohol and drugs. Being depressed may lure you to drink or use drugs to escape your feelings. Although these things may provide you with the ‘mood boost’ that you need, it is just temporary. After the substance leaves your body, you will just feel more depressed than before. Moreover, alcohol and drug abuse may only increase your suicidal feelings and eventually will cause serious side affects and long term addiction – therefore, stay away from them at all costs!

Love Yourself. Learn more about you, and what you like and love about yourself. Don’t dwell on the negatives only the positives. Write down what you feel about yourself and focus on the good. When you see more negatives than positives, ask yourself if this is really how you feel or have you believed a lie you have been told. When you can write down the positives, they should outweigh the negatives. When they don’t, that’s when you should really talk to someone you trust to help you through the negatives so you can learn to love yourself again.

Self-Acceptance Can Heal Trauma

What is Self-Acceptance?

Self-acceptance is steady and unconditional. When you accept yourself despite your weaknesses and faults, you are more forgiving and you avoid self-judging. You do not fall into the bad habit of comparing yourself to others and you learn to appreciate your individuality!

Accepting yourself helps make you feel confident; it makes you feel that you are enough – that you are beautiful in your own way. Self-acceptance can do wonders improving your self-confidence; it can make you stop worrying about what other people think about you. You become more natural and happy with yourself! Once you have accepted yourself, you become more relaxed and allow the ‘real you’ to be seen by other people.

Accepting yourself allows you to live freely, with no shame or fear. Self-acceptance helps you build stronger and more intimate relationship with others.

What Determines Self-Acceptance?

As a child, you may have accepted yourself on the terms that your parents have accepted you. According to research, children are unable to have a clear idea of self before they reach the age of eight. So if your parents were unable to tell you that you are totally acceptable, you may develop feelings of doubt toward yourself.

The positive regard of your parents may be based on how you behaved as a child. Unfortunately, you may have acted in ways that were not acceptable to their standards. Once you identify yourself with your misbehaviors, you begin to develop a feeling of inadequacy and uncertainness.

Adverse parental evaluation has the tendency to go far beyond disapproving misbehaviors; you may develop the mind-set that you are not attractive enough, smart enough or good enough because of your parents’ evaluation. Mental health professionals may regard this as emotional abuse because it can lead you to believe that you may only be accepted under certain conditions.

Self-criticism is almost always at the heart of the problems that you ‘create’ as an adult. If your parents dealt with you in a hurtful manner, it is very possible that you will parent your children in the same manner. If you were always ignored, berated and blamed, you will find ways as an adult to deal with all your unresolved pain.

Many, if not all, people enter into adulthood carrying heavy emotional baggage from their past; they are afflicted with a certain negative bias that greatly influence their opinion about themselves. They tend to blame themselves and view themselves as defective; they suffer from self-doubt and this greatly affects their ability for self-acceptance.

Unconditional Self-Acceptance

‘Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand, your level of self-acceptance determines your level of happiness.’ – Robert Holden

Accepting yourself unconditionally would have come easier if your parents ‘validated’ you positively; growing up in a supportive environment can do a lot to improve your self-esteem and self-love. But if that wasn’t the case for you, you have to learn on your own to ‘certify’ yourself. However, keep in mind that self-acceptance is very different from being complacent – you always have to improve yourself without judgment. This can help you find peace in your heart and mind; you will find fulfillment and complete, unqualified acceptance.

To fully accept yourself, you have to be more self-compassionate. If you are more forgiving and understanding of yourself, it also becomes easier to let go of your hurtful past. You have to realize that you are continuously proving your worth to others to accept that you need to develop a more loving stance toward yourself. Forget about the ‘conditional-love-scars’ from your past and recognize your strength and uniqueness.

Warning Signs of A Physically Abusive Partner

physically abusive partner

Domestic violence and abuse is one of the biggest social problems of today, yet it is often overlooked or denied. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of a physically abusive partner are the first steps to put a stop to it. Always remember, no one should ever have to live in fear, particularly with a person that they love…

No woman in this world ever plans to enter an abusive relationship. However, many fail to recognize the signs of a physically abusive partner… and most women who get out of an abusive relationship usually find themselves becoming victims of abuse again. Unfortunately, it usually takes an average of five to seven acts of abuse before a woman decides to leave her partner.

The following is a list of behaviors and traits that a physically abusive partner may possess. This will help you predict if the person you are currently with has the possibility to become a domestic abuser. Avoid being blinded by love, lust or desperation and help stop domestic abuse today!

Constantly Jealous

A physically abusive partner starts with claims that his jealousy is a sign of love at the beginning of the relationship. He may constantly question you about whom you have spoken with or seen during your day; he may go right into accusing you that you are flirting with the people around you. A person prone to committing domestic violence has misplaced jealousy – he gets jealous when you spend time with your family and friends. As his jealousy progresses, he may start strictly monitoring your activities or even ask you to quit work for fear that you will meet someone else.

Controlling Behavior

A physically abusive partner usually disguises his controlling behavior as a form of concern – he will tell you that he is concern about your safety, well-being and your emotional health… A good example of a controlling behavior is when he gets mad when you arrive home late from work, shopping or any other activity. When your partner’s controlling gets worse, he may forbid you from making personal decisions about the house, your work, your clothing and many more. Concern is different from control; do not allow your partner to control your every move as if you are his property.

Unrealistic Expectations

An abusive partner may expect you to be the perfect wife, partner, girlfriend, lover and friend. He can become very dependent on you for all his needs and utter statements such as, ‘You are all I need’ or ‘I am all you need’. As he becomes dependent on you for everything, he may blame you if you are not able to live up to his expectations.

Blame-Shifting for Problems and Feelings

A physically abusive partner never accepts responsibility for any fault or problem; they always blame someone else for the misfortune in their lives. He may blame you for all the upsetting events in his life – unemployment, dropping out from school, family problems… He will always claim that his behavior is a reaction to your attitude. A physically abusive partner may use his feelings to manipulate you; he may use statements such as ‘You are hurting me by not doing what I ask’ or ‘I would not be angry if you didn’t…’

‘Playful’ Use of Force in Sex

A physically abusive partner may have sexual fantasies where you are helpless; he may find the idea of rape as exciting. He may force you to have sex even if you are feeling ill or tired, he may sulk to manipulate you to comply or feel angry if you don’t let him do what he wants.

 

The aforementioned are a few tale tell signs of a physically abusive partner that you should take heed when evaluating your situation. If you are in an abusive situation, talk to someone you can trust; ideally a professional who can help you get out of your abusive relationship.